Tuesday, March 5, 2013

the one i wrote to my mom

My parents are heading across the pond (and not taking me with them...). They'll be in the beautiful city of London, hanging out with Will and Kate while I suffer in the tundra of Provo. Don't worry, I'm not jealous or anything :)

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As my mother prepares for departure I figured I would give her a few pointers to make her journey smooth and delightful. I wrote her the following email:


Dear Esteemed Guest,


Welcome to London! We are delighted to have you in this beautiful city and are confident that you will find your stay amicable. Prior to your visit we wanted to offer a few suggestions to make your trip as memorable as possible:


1. Tea is served promptly at 2:30. Arriving late is highly unacceptable.

2. Remember to wear an obscenely ostentatious hat at all times.

3. The hood of the car is the bonnet and the trunk is the boot. 

4. Both Maggie Smith and Judy Dench are Dames. 

5. Fish and chips should always be eaten out of a newspaper lined dish.

6. Notting Hill is a posh neighbor, not a trashy movie.

7. Mind the gap.

8. Remember to say things like 'Jolly good' and 'That's a good chap' people will think you're a local.

9. When referring to a shopping cart remember to say trolley.

10. Don't let the Muggles get ya down.


Again we are elated to welcome you to the UK. 


Long live Will and Kate!


She found each of these tips extremely helpful. I realized though that I forgot one important item of business.


Remember, the London Eye looks like this:


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Not this:


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Just wanted to clear up any potential confusion. Happy travels!

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