The 10 Commandments of Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Now that Thanksgiving is officially over, we move on to the season of Christmas carols, cheesy Hallmark movies, and ugly sweaters. I am unclear on the origins of this hallowed tradition, but does that stop me from participating with my whole heart? Nay, it does not.
Now, there is a fine line between a good ugly sweater and one that is just...well, not. Thus we have the 10 Commandments of Ugly Christmas Sweaters:
- Thou shalt purchase sweaters that look DIYable.
- Thou shalt not spend more than $20 on an ugly sweater.
- Thou shalt strive to possess a sweater with tinsel on it.
- Thou shalt not wear a sweater with working Christmas lights when sledding, skiing, or in any scenario where a water/snowball fight may occur.
- Thou shalt not wear a sweater with bells on it for longer than 15 minutes, lest ye be cast out.
- Thou shalt not purchase an ugly sweater that has profanity on it. Thy sweater should be ugly, not tacky.
- Thou shalt judge thy sweater on this question: Would your third grade teacher have worn this sweater at your 1997 class party? Purchase if answered in the affirmative.
- Thou shalt purchase thy sweater from DI or Goodwill whenever possible.
- Thou shalt wear thy ugly sweater with pride to all parties.
- Thou shalt wear thy sweater whenever singing Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You."
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